No, I did not somehow forget my pen in the freezer, though I might as well have. There is the so-called writer’s block. What I have been suffering from is a couple levels above that. A fear of the pen so to speak. A term known as ‘graphophobia’.
It’s been about 9 months since I published a post. This was not for lack of words or things to say. I made several attempts to start a post. The words were not really flowing, but that wasn’t the real deterrent. I have had writer’s block many times before. This was something else.
I was doubting myself. Did I really think I had something of value to say? Is mine a voice worth hearing? Do I have what it takes to be a writer? All these questions plagued me. I think it somewhat had to do with where I was in my life. A place of change where I was questioning a lot and instead of penning that confusion down, I allowed it to silence my voice. I thought it weird that as someone who had written many posts before, I would have such a great fear, but to my comfort, I read up on the fear of writing, and Clair De Boer’s ‘The Secret Fear Of Every Writer’ gave me some consolation. I was not alone and it is ‘normal’ to experience this.
When did I decide to face that fear, you might ask? For one, my sister started a blog that she had dreamt of and been planning for for over a year. Her courage inspired me and I have been witnessing her go from strength to strength as she tells the story of the black African Woman.
The moment I can clearly recall when I decided to pick up my pen in spite of where I was in my life, was a day I was walking and I looked up to see a bird perched on a power line. I don’t know what exactly happened, but it was God speaking to me. He was saying, “Look up. I am here. And no matter where you are, it will all be alright.” That little birdie perched on those wires relayed a powerful message to me to always seek inspiration and no matter what, look up because there is more to life than my current situation.
So I thought it only fitting to write about this – perhaps someone out there can understand what it means to be there. To be at a place of uncertainty where you question your abilities and the things you thought you were good at. Where you question that you have something valuable to add.
I salute all the writers out there who are persistent in their craft no matter the season in their life. My dream is to continue to speak as long as I have something of value to say, no matter what. And no matter what, to constantly seek inspiration.